


Sticks and Stones

by stephyswan



Category: Glee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 15:32:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13639101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephyswan/pseuds/stephyswan
Summary: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will break my skin apart(suicide attempt, trigger warning)





	1. Chapter 1

Just a normal day of senior year. Going to classes, getting slushied, hating myself, singing alone in the auditorium, hating myself, going to glee club, hating Mr. Schue, hating myself...

"Good work today guys!! See you tomorrow!" Mr. Schue barked. He gave my solo to Quinn, claiming that my voice was too Broadway for the song, which was a crazy thought. I glanced up and squinted at the clock, and frowned. It was only four, practice always goes until five fifteen. Mr. Schue probably had to rush home to go get ready for his date with Emma. Well, to be honest, that was pretty boring. I could get a head start on that stupid math. I really didn't want to go home though. Not when I would have to see them.

I love my parents. They have done everything for me. I hate the feeling that I have inside though, that sometimes I wished they weren't my parents. I know that after all this time it shouldn't affect me what people say about my having two gay dads, but for some reason it made me sad.

The two of them didn't do anything but fight. Everyday one of them would say that they were going to a lawyer to end it, but never actually go. For Rachel that meant watching her parents scream at each other day and night over the stupidest things, and having to sit by and do nothing.

All it takes for evil to exist is for good men to do nothing.

And the worst part was, l knew it was my fault. If she was not around, her parents would have gotten a divorce a very long time ago. But they hesitated, despite her pleas for them to end the misery that had wrapped the three of them up.

I ended up sitting on a bench watching a freshman practice for her cheerios audition. The Cheerios... something else I could never be in. But of course people like the thin gorgeous blondes get into everything they try out for. It's a perk of being popular, and athletic, and thin, and pretty, and not afraid of what people think, because everybody in this freaking world loves the Cheerios. Oh yeah, and she's good at everything she does.

I could be thin

I could be popular

I could be athletic

But nooo, because everybody in this fricking stupid retarded world hates me, or pretends to care about me. Why can't I just die? At this point I don't think there's any reason to keep living on. Why can't I just die?

Die...

End it all...

Show them how I actually felt...

No one would miss me...

It could be quick...

And then it would all be over...

Then another memory came back to me. Would she even care? Probably not. She told me that we could 'embrace each other from afar', which is basically code for stay away from each other at all costs. And adopt a baby, because I was not good enough for her.

No one cares. It's just a bad day, which turns into a bad week, which turns into a bad month, bad year, and bad life. There is no good anymore. My friends would be sad, only because they pitied me. They didn't even know there was anything wrong. They just thought I was tired...

I was so tempted. The knife was so close, and the pills were even closer. The blade was so sharp, so fine, it could get the job done. But being the idiotic wimp I was, I could bring myself up to do it. I couldn't help feeling that if I messed up; they would bring me back to this hell I'm already living. But what is the actual difference between living hell and dying hell? If they were able to bring me back, I would end up in a straight jacket in a mental institute for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to look anyone I cared about in the eye ever again. They would all see me as a sick child.

I have nothing to live for. Sure, I say I'm going to be on Broadway, but that doesn't mean its going to happen. I'm going to be a short, fat fail that can't play any sports, or sing, or play the piano the rest of my life, and the worst thing is, I've lost the dream that kept me going. That she cared. She doesn't care, he doesn't care. Nobody cares. And they never will.

I fell asleep sniffling my tears into a pillow, so the others wouldn't notice. Even though when they do notice they never seem to want any interest in helping me with anything. I've never felt so alone.

When I woke up, my eyes were still wet, and pretty much my whole pillow was damp. I hated waking up during the middle of the night, but now I knew what I needed to do. I tried my best not to wake anyone as I walked over to the door, opening it as slowly and quietly as I could.

I couldn't do this at home. Home was no longer sacred, it was the place I dreaded coming home to every day. I always thought of the times I sat against the wall in the bathroom, crying as I listened to the shouts stabbing the air and at each other like a knife.

I wandered down the hallways of the school, almost in the dark. Only the emergency lights were on, and I was trying to decide where to do it. I got what I needed, now I just had to choose where. I walked past Mr. Schue's room, My Mo- Ms. Corcoran's. I stopped to think. Would she care? No. No one would. I had to do this. I couldn't second-guess myself otherwise I would change my mind.

I decide on the stage of the auditorium. That was the only place that I was ever happy, dining . Hopefully I would be found by someone that wasn't a bitch. I took the sharp silver knife out of my pocket and the pills I stole. I swallow all ten pills and give myself a good stab in the stomach. I welcome the loud slam of my body onto the floor with a smile. This is the end.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was really disappointed when I woke up in the Lima Community Hospital I really thought that I could be done on Earth. There was no place for me here, at all. Didn't they understand that?

"Why hello there dear," The hospital nurse came over to the bed. She had a brown bob, and a purple blouse with black pants. I was in one of those gowns with no backs. There wasn't anyone else in the room, just a couple of beds, and the strong smell of alcohol, "Nice try. The others wanted to tie you down but I said you wouldn't need it, but if you push me I will. We're not letting you leave here until we're sure you won't try to do something like this again. Understand?"

I nodded miserably. Where were my dads? One was probably on a business trip, and the other was on a vacation trying to get away. I was almost eighteen, I could take care of myself. My stomach growled. I didn't even want to think about food. I was just so fat, and eating food would only make me fatter. I didn't even want to know how bad my hair looked, or the big scar on my stomach. Plus, I felt like I was going to throw up. This was great. Really great.

I was left in my own solitude, reading a book about the meaning of life that nurse oh- so-generously gave to me, when SHE walked in.

Oh my oz.

Shelby's pov- several hours earlier

My number one concern was getting more girls to join this new showchoir I was going to have to bring up. Okay, maybe that was my second concern, after seeing Puck and Quinn with all of this drama over Beth, who is the best daughter I could have ever dreamed for.

Okay, make that the second concern, the first one being my baby. The one that probably hates me and always will because I couldn't give her the love or relationship she wanted. Everytime she saw me in glee, I could see the look in her eyes, that I was her mother and only that. The person who brought her into the world.

I was still walking through the hallway towards my classroom when Will ran up to me, the look on his face shocked. I didn't really know what he wanted.

"What is it Will?" I asked, shuffling to get my keys out of my bag to open my door.

"It's Rachel..."

My daughter.

It had to be my daughter.

The one who I never got to hold.

She tried to kill herself.

Will came over and sat down next to me in the teacher's lounge. My hair looked like a giant frizz that I hadn't bothered to attempt at brushing, and I was dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I didn't even want to teach math, I had the kids do whatever, even though all they wanted to do was talk about that girl who tried to kill herself and laugh about it. I quickly jumped back to grading my math tests that so far every kid had failed, or so my grading said. He didn't buy it.

"Just do it. I know what you're thinking. You're not going to get in trouble for going on your daughter. She is your daughter. And maybe I was wrong about you guys. She needs you, now more than ever. If you want to commit yourself to her, promise her that you'll be there. And don't break that promise."

"Nice going with the Titanic quotes, you jump I jump huh??" I giggled and he smiled back with his usual grin.

I left Puck and Quinn to babysit Beth (not really sure if I trust that decision) and drove to the hospital later that day after school and glee. I walked into the room the nurse told me, where only one bed was taken. A plate of chicken, potatoes and corn sat unattended while the girl with the brown hair sat up with her face in a book. I slowly lifted the book to see Barbra Streisand's face and the words 'Hello Gorgeous' on the front.

"Hey." I sat down on a random metal chair thrown against the wall. It made my butt cold. Rach looked up from a book, her big nerd glasses sticking out on her face. I didn't even know she had glasses. Her expression drew to a quiet solemn one.

"Hi." She replied quietly, closing her book and putting it down on her lap.

"How are you?" I try not to sound like an overprotective parent, but she looked so pale and sad and helpless. I can't help but feeling like somehow this is my fault, and I should kept a better eye on her or something.

"I'm okay. You?" She brought her knees up to her face, and then I see the scars that go all the way up her arms, and the thick white bandages that are wrapped around her wrists. She looks at me with a glance that tells me she feels awkward and wants to hide under the covers. Not that I wouldn't want to do the exact same thing. I wanted to help somehow, anyhow, to make this kid want to live. Her life isn't even that bad, she just sees everything in a horribly dim light. She's my baby and I just want to give her a hug and tell her everything is going to be okay, but I do not have the right to do that.

"Why did you do it?" I needed to see her perspective, to look through her eyes.

"Honestly, I just wanted to stop feeling like a useless piece of crap on the ground that everybody stomps all over. You can't blame me for that." My heart dropped. Why does she think this? She is so smart, funny, intelligent, and beautiful. I know for a fact that a lot of people would be pretty wrecked if she died, especially if she did it to herself.

"What about your friends?" I tried to reason with her, get her out of this grumpy depressed turtle shell, before I went crazy myself with how dang stubborn she is. I wonder which side of her family she gets it from.

"People? I don't have people. The truth is, no one is my friend. No one was going to care if I had died. They only include me because they pity me. I'm not good at anything," At this point I felt the need to drag my metal chair closer to the bed, and take her hand. She drew back at first, but then she let me hold it. I gave it a tight squeeze. I could hear her sobbing into her knees.

"You're a singer..." I whispered.

"But I'm not a good one..." She muttered between sobs. I pulled out my other hand, and reached out to rub her back. Her sobs started to quiet down.

"Yes you are! Even if you're not, you're still my favorite one." She looked up at me, her eyes puffy and red, and her nose all stuffed. I got up and reached across to hand her a tissue.

"Look I really don't want to have this conversation right now. Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be with Beth?" She seemed to have a tad of jealousy in her voice. I guess that meant she wasn't over me adopting Beth, to her it probably felt like I was replacing her because I never got to raise her, and maybe that's true. But that didn't mean that every time I looked at Beth I saw Rachel and what we could never have. Moreso, I looked at her hair and saw Quinn, and her smile was all Puck. They probably felt how I did when I gave up Rachel.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. You're my baby too." I said, not realizing what I had said. I laughed nervously, a smile still plastered widely across my face. She smiled slightly too, and then her face slowly went down to a serious one.

"Oh. Well yeah. I'm okay. Thanks." She looked down, twiddling her fingers.

"Rach, I need you to know that your friends do care about you. I care about you, and you really scared everyone. Especially me, I didn't know what I was going to do without you..."

Rachel stared at her mother. Did it really take attempting suicide for her mother to remember she existed? Her mother was the only one who could give her a hug and make her feel safe. She had been the one who brought her into the world.

"Do you want a hug?" Her mother opened her arms, and I hesitated before throwing myself into them. She leans over to me, and I gladly put my head on her chest. It's warm and real, and gosh. It feels like I'm not alone anymore. That she needs me and I need her. We can protect each other now. Hugs are the best kind of medicine. You get to feel safe for even just a moment and maybe you're just a little more protected from the pain the world had to give. I stopped shaking.

This lady... This lady sitting right in front of me... is my mother. Was this really happening? Her face, her smile, her hair, was all mine too. I suppose I could be angry at her for leaving me, but what would that do? My mother.... Mom... was looking down at me, her green eyes sparkling. She came for me. We were ripped apart but we can be together again.... maybe...

I eventually released my daughter, standing up. "Aren't you going to eat this food?" I pointed to the plate. Rach shook her head. I crossed my arms. "Why not?"

"I'll throw up if I eat hospital food. Plus, I'm Vegan. " She raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, well, I'll make you a deal. I'll get you Vegan food, if you agree to not try and kill yourself again. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Rach?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

....

"I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

Shelby stayed by my side for the rest of the night. My mind kept telling me that it was because she felt guilty for abandoning me, but my heart was melted at the fact that my mother was sitting on a metal chair next to my hospital bed.

Around 9 that night, Shelby stood up from the chair and brushed her pants off. "I have to go take care of Beth." She mumbled, knowing that Rachel really didn't care about Beth at all. Rachel probably saw her as a replacement for what she lost the first time around. Shelby wanted to stay, but she needed to see her baby, since she had been with Quinn and Puck for most of the day.

"That's fine." Rachel said without looking up from her phone.

Shelby sighed. She didn't even know if it was a one time thing that she was with her daughter. She had signed a contract almost eighteen years ago that said she could never contact her baby, until she was of legal age. The girl's fathers had drawn up that contract as soon as they knew that Shelby was having second thoughts about giving up her baby.

And Shelby had signed it. She was so young, too young to settle down with a baby in her own opinion at the time. She wanted to go to New York and be on Broadway and win Tonys and do something with her life.

But then she had seen the sonogram. A little blob of her own with a heartbeat. And when she heard that heartbeat she knew. She wanted her baby. But it was too late, because she had signed a legally bonded contract.

She figured, what the heck, I'll go to Broadway, live my life, and settle down and have kids later. Then the cancer happened. No more kids for Shelby.

Shelby looked up from her thoughts to her own and only child. The only child she had ever truly carried. Beth was her baby, she had taken care of her from the time that she was a week old, but someday Beth would ask why she had a head of blonde hair and her mother didn't. And Shelby didn't know what she would do when that happened. So what if Beth was with Quinn and Puck right now, that didn't mean she was going to remember them when she was older. But she certainly did not want them to go through what she did. Not getting to watch Rachel grow up was Shelby's only regret.

"Where are your dads? They haven't been here at all today..." Shelby said, realizing she had been the sole visitor. The glee club kids had wanted to come, but Will made them stay away, and plan something to cheer Rachel up.

Rachel froze. She did not want her mother to know that her dads hadn't been at home at all in the last month and gave her the money to do everything herself. After all, her mother told her that they were going to be grateful from afar. That meant she didn't have a right to know.

"They're both at work," Rachel frowned.

"But you've been here since early this morning, and they haven't even stopped in to see how you're doing? You tried to..." Shelby swallowed. "Commit... suicide.... and they don't even care? That's not right. I'm missing something."

"Yeah. You're missing Beth." Rachel grunted, annoyed that her mother had to ask about her fathers. It was their fault she was this annoyed at her mother, she wasn't allowed to know the woman and now that she was here Rachel didn't know what to do.

"Rachel... I will be back tomorrow. I promise." Shelby said, walking out the door.

"That's what you said last time. And when you came back, it was to say goodbye." Rachel mumbled. Shelby literally felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. She had hurt her child. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and she tried to blink them away, but failed. The waterworks started, and Shelby turned back around.

"I know I screwed this up... but this time I am coming back."

This time I'm not leaving without you.

Rachel flopped back against the headboard of the bed. It's not like she had anything to lose. She was stuck living after she tried to die, and she was depressed. She was going to be stared at in the hallways at school, pitied, forced into therapy sessions... whatever life she had left was gone.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Ms. C," Puck greeted when the two of them had welcomed her back into her own apartment. She was surprised to find that it was still in one piece and everything looked untouched. Quinn (with the pink hair) walked into the room and Shelby could immediately smell the cigarettes on her.

"Quinn, have you been smoking?" Shelby asked, crossing her arms. This morning she had been blindsided, she didn't even stop to think if leaving Beth with them was a bad idea, considering Quinn's new look and new hobbies.

"Yeah." She admitted proudly, her breath smelling way too strongly of smoke.

"I don't know if I want you around Beth then. I didn't really think the decision of letting you take care of her today through. I was more concerned about Rachel. I hope that it's okay for me to assume that you wouldn't do anything to hurt your baby..."

"Of course I wouldn't. She's my child!!" Quinn demanded a little bit louder.

"Quinn, I don't really think you should be around Beth until you change your attitude."

"This is the real me!! And that child will never always be mine no matter what!" Quinn said and walked out the door, slamming it behind her.

Shelby turned to look at Puck, sitting on an armchair staring back at her. "How was Beth?" Shelby asked.

"She was good, she seems to really like me and Quinn." He said proudly.

"You are her parents. It's biology." Shelby said a little flatter than she wanted to. "Sorry. It's late, you should get going." She ushered him towards the door.

"Don't take what Quinn said to heart. She's just upset that she had to give up her child. I'm sure you felt the same way about Rachel."

"I still do." Shelby admitted softly.  
\------------------------------------------

The next morning, Shelby, with a bag of hot Vegan food from a local restaurant, went back to the hospital, this time with Beth in tow.

"Hi Rachel," Shelby greeted when she walked in with Beth in one arm and the bag of food in the other. Rachel lifted her head up from in between her knees. She involuntarily rolled her eyes when she saw Beth. She had nothing against the little girl, only that the only reason her mother adopted her was to replace Rachel. And that hurt.

"Here is your Vegan food, as promised." Shelby handed her the bag and Rachel slowly took it. She was certainly not going to eat, it was going to make her fatter than she already was. She had not cut in days and the pitted feeling that went away when she cut was coming back. She needed to get out of this hospital so she could cut some more. And the only way to do that was to pretend to be getting better.

"I, uh, already ate." Rachel lied.

"I thought you said you wouldn't eat any of the hospital food."

"Yeah, well I was hungry so I did eat it. It was okay, I guess. But thanks anyway." Rachel didn't even want to bother arguing over whether or not she was going to give the food back to Shelby. So she lazily threw the food on the table next to the bed.

"So do you want to hold Beth?" Shelby asked, knowing that was certainly not the way to get Rachel's trust but knowing that most of the tension was because of the innocent blonde headed baby who had honest to god done nothing wrong.

"No." Rachel said sharply. "I hate Quinn and Puck, why would I want to hold their offspring that wasn't supposed to exist?"

"Because she's your sister." Shelby said, getting irritated with Rachel's constant blows at the baby.

"No she's not. For her to be my sister, you would have to be my mom. Which you're not. That's what you said, remember?"

I'm your mother, but that doesn't mean I'm your mom

"Look, I said I was sorry for what happened the first time around. I didn't know what to do. Your whole life was already in front of you, I wasn't going to throw the mother you never knew into the mix. Your fathers didn't want me to contact you. Do you understand that? For all of these years, I had your phone number stuck on my fridge. Every time I went to go get something, I saw that number and every time I thought to myself, I wonder what she's doing right now, I wonder if she's thinking about me. But you weren't, because you had your own life and your own hopes and dreams that I would never get to be a part of."

"You were my dream. Every night when I would lay in my bed, I would look out my window and wonder if you were looking at the same stars as me. I wanted my mom so bad all of the time. What happened when I had my first period? Or when I had my first crush? I didn't have anyone to turn to."

"And that is my biggest regret. I never got to be by your side, or hold you when you cried! But there is nothing we can do about that now. It is what it is and I am here now. And I'm telling you that I want to stay here by your side. Understand?"

"Yes ma'am." Rachel bit out. If she could get her away out of here then she could throw herself off a bridge. Hopefully she wouldn't survive that because if she did...

"Rachie!" the two year old girl grinned. Rachel couldn't resist, she had to look at the little blonde eyed girl that looked so much like Quinn. Her smile was all Puck though, it was the goofy grin she had grown to love."Hi Beth!" Rachel faked in a happy voice. She couldn't be mad at the kid, she had done nothing to her. She was just the innocent piece of this entire mess.

"Rachie play!" The little girl squealed. How was she supposed to play with the kid in a hospital bed? She gave Shelby a look and Shelby looked back with a pleading beg. Rachel sighed and pulled the girl into her lap.

"Do you want to play patty cake?" Rachel tried. Beth squealed in happiness as the two of them indeed played patty cake. Rachel felt bad about putting all of the blame on this innocent child. She wasn't supposed to be born in the first place by unprotected sex and then given to a woman who regretted giving up her actual child...

Beth was overjoyed at the aspect of getting to play with Rachel, and seeing Beth happy made Rachel a little bit happier. Beth was a prime example of what it was like to be free. She was happy and didn't have a care in the world. Yes, Rachel knew that Beth was two years old, but she wondered if it was possible to be happy when you grew up...

Finn was her happiness. And then he went and broke up with her. What was she supposed to do with her life now that the one person she cared about, and probably the only person who cared about her, was gone? Rachel was a bitch, she knew that, but it was really in result of being treated like crap all of her life. What was she supposed to do?

"So, I tried to call your house today in hopes of contacting your fathers, but no one ever answered. Is there something you want to tell me?" Shelby said, Rachel still entertaining Beth. Rachel tensed up at the mention of her fathers.

"I'm 18, a legal adult, so technically I don't need my fathers to watch over me while I'm confined to this hospital bed."

"That wasn't the point. They should know about this. What aren't you telling me Rach?"

"They're both gone. Daddy is somewhere in Illinois, and Dad is in Europe. They're there for work." She said through gritted teeth, not wanting to admit that they were really both trying to get as far away from each other until they could go through with the divorce.It wasn't that they didn't love her, it was the fact that the three of them were all sick of each other and all of the bickering the three of them did that they knew they needed to get as far away as possible. Rachel was literally ready to pick up and leave for New York. There was no reason for her to stay in the hellhole she called home. She belonged on Broadway, or at least on the path there.

"Rachel, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's none of your business where I am! You gave up that right when I was born! You can't just waltz in her and start being my mom because I tried to kill myself!!"

"RACHEL BARBRA!!! WOULD YOU STOP SAYING THAT YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF LIKE THAT WAS SOME FAILED TASK?? YOU ARE NOT GOING TO END YOUR LIFE!! I COULD'VE LOST YOU!! AND WHILE THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU IT MATTERS TO ME!! YOU'RE MY RESPONSIBILITY WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!"

"YOU HAVE NO LEGAL HOLDING OVER ME!! YOU NEVER DID BECAUSE YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT SO YOU COULD GO TO NEW YORK AND BE FAMOUS!! WE ALL KNOW THE STORY!! ESPECIALLY JESSE, SINCE YOU SENT HIM TO BREAK MY HEART!! I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT ONE EITHER!!"

"Rachel," her mother growled, not wanting to yell anymore because the nurse had given a concerned look, but Shelby shook her off. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry for what I've done? Whether or not you like it, you're stuck with me now."

"And how do you figure you'll enforce that rule?" Rachel questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Because once you're released, you're coming home with me."


	3. Chapter 3

Shelby went home and relieved Puck of his babysitting duties. He left, leaving a virtually destructed Shelby alone with her baby that was sleeping in the other room.

What was she thinking? How could she, the Ice Queen, have broken down so much after all of those years of pushing thoughts and feelings for Rachel to the side? No matter what she did, she would always be guilty for her past actions. If she had raised her daughter, Rachel would not have felt the need to try and end her life.

And, she would not have told her daughter that she had no choice but to come live with her. She couldn't force her daughter to live with her when she was a legal adult. Her age might have said that she was an adult, but she was not an adult. That was definitely going to create conflict. She had lost the privilege to be alone.

She was still a child. She was still a child because her fathers had never helped her grow up and never helped her see the world through adult eyes. Not to mention that her boyfriend had broken up with her (she didn't know enough about that to make statements about whose fault that was). All she knew was that all of this had left Rachel feeling alone, and like she wasn't worth anything.

Shelby's thoughts were interrupted when her doorbell rang. She rose from her seat and walked over to the door, getting a little irritated when she saw that it was Quinn. Nonetheless, she answered it.

"Hi Ms. Corcoran." Quinn greeted shyly. Her hair was no longer pink, and she had taken the nose ring out. "I am not expecting you to just trust me and think I am worthy of taking care of my child, but I need her. The first time I saw that little face, I knew. She is a part of me no matter how hard I try to tell myself that she is not."

Shelby took a deep breath. "I know how that feels. It sucks knowing that you will not be a part of your child's life despite carrying them for nine months. But the truth is, as much as I hate to admit it, Rachel is not my child. Sure I carried her for nine months, but her parents carried her around for the eighteen years after that. I don't know what to say to you Quinn."

Quinn bit her lip, trying so hard not to cry. She could hear it in Shelby's voice that she was going to keep Beth away from her no matter how hard she begged. She was standing in the doorway to Shelby's apartment like an idiot. There was nothing she could do now.

"Ms. Corcoran... if you're going to tell me I can't be apart of Beth's life, I am not going to lie. That really makes me want to punch you in the face. She's your daughter now. Like you said, nine months or a whole lifetime? But, I think you're wrong. I know because you are Rachel's parent, not the Berrys. All of the glee club has been worried about her, and we are sure part of it is because of her parents. They haven't been around in a long time. When they were around, they weren't doing much good. They probably should have gotten a divorce a long time ago, Rachel begged them, but they wouldn't. Being in a position like that is not helping her mental state. You are stepping in, and that makes you the parent." 

"She hates me." Shelby bit. "I abandoned her. Nothing I do will change that."

"She doesn't hate you. She just does not know how to react to you. She loves you." Quinn took a deep breath. "Good night Ms. Corcoran." Quinn turned around to leave.

"Quinn!" She turned back around. "Maybe you should babysit Beth. But it has to be on my terms. I get the right to pull out anytime."

Quinn smiled back. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know. I want to."

-

"Wow. I'm honored. I get to stay with the award winning national show choir champion coach Shelby Corcoran, that all kids who ever had to deal with her hated." Rachel mused as Shelby pushed her wheelchair out of the hospital. Shelby just rolled her eyes.

"Why can't I walk? Last time I check I was not crippled in my attempts." 

Shelby stopped to take a deep breath. "Rach, you can bicker with me all you want, but that won't change that you are staying with me."

"You cannot legally require me to stay with you. I am eighteen years old, that makes me a legal adult." Rachel continued babbling, and Shelby stopped to sign the release papers.

"You lost the privilege to live alone when you tried to kill yourself." Shelby growled, begging Rachel to stop, it was giving her a headache.

She doesn't know how to react to you

Shelby spent the rest of the way to the car to think of a way to approach Rachel, more carefully. Once Rachel was situated in the passenger seat of the car, Shelby started. "Rachel, I realize that this is an awkward situation for both of us. I am trying the best I can. Talk to me, please."

Rachel took a deep breath. "You don't understand." 

Shelby reached across the seat to grab Rachel's hand and squeeze it. "Maybe I do. Tell me what's going through that mind of yours."

"School, glee, my fathers..." How to actually kill myself...

"Don't worry about any of that now. It's just you and me. Let's focus on you getting better. I have set up an appointment with a psychiatrist for tomorrow. I was thinking we could go shopping and pick up some stuff for you for my apartment. How does that sound?"

"I need to go back to my house, there's stuff I need to get." Rachel bit her lip. She wanted so hard to argue that she could take of herself so she could just finish it, but she knew Shelby was not going to leave her alone. She had it in her head that she was now Rachel's caregiver. Shelby was not worthy of ruling her anymore. Not after she had given that up, at least. Now everyone would be snooping up in her business.

"I don't think that's-"

Rachel cut her off. "You can come in with me if you don't trust me. I just..."

The mug with the star

"Gold stars are kind of my thing."

It sat on her nightstand, leaning against it was a picture she had found of her mother online. She looked at every day when she got up and every night when she went to sleep.

"Please?" Rachel asked quietly, looking nervously at her mother.

Her mother let out a breath. "Fine." She then began driving to the Berry household.

She had been there several times before, when she was pregnant with Rachel. At that point, Leroy and Hiram had liked her. But when Shelby had reconsidered giving away her daughter, then they had grown cold.

Rachel fumbled and found her house key in the potted plant next to the door. She sprinted off in her own direction and Shelby wandered around the front room.

There were a lot of pictures of young Rachel and her fathers. Shelby did notice, however, that as Rachel got older in the photos, her smile seemed faker and faker.

How could they just leave her?

Meanwhile, Rachel was shoving as much as she could into her suitcase. She put a lot of her clothes, her Playbill collection, her computer...

She looked at the mug sitting on the bedside table. Lifting it up, she studied it, before shoving it to the bottom of the suitcase. The picture, she put in her pocket.

Glancing around, she saw that her mother was not coming in, she stalked into her bathroom. Opening up the mirror, she saw her abundance of over-the-counter medicines. She didn't know if she could get them past Shelby... she shoved them all into a makeup bag and shoved the makeup bag into her purse.

"Hey Rachel?" Shelby called out from the other room. Rachel froze, was that her motherly radar going off? "How old are you in this picture?" Her body visibly relaxed, she hadn't gotten caught.

Finding her mother on the couch with an album of Rachel's photos, she glanced at it and quickly responded. "I was five in this picture. It was my first vocal recital. I sang Castle on a Cloud..."

"I missed so much." Shelby mumbled, flipping through the pictures.

Rachel didn't know how to respond to that. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?" She stalked off into the kitchen, sitting alone at the table.

"I'm, uh, good thanks. Did you finish getting your stuff?" Rachel grabbed a kitchen knife, as stupid as that may have sounded, before shoving it with the rest of the medicine.

It was her "medicine" anyways...

"Yeah, I'm ready." Rachel stalked back out to the living room, dragging her luggage behind her. "It was easier than dragging a bunch of boxes... she reasoned.

"Do you want me to carry anything?" Shelby offered.

"I'm fine." Rachel insisted, yanking her bags behind her before throwing them in the trunk of Shelby's Range Rover.

-

"So..." Shelby started. She was not a fan of driving in silence.

Rachel returned from her thoughts about death among other things, turning her head to look at the older version of herself. "So..."

"I was born in Ohio. Like you, I was raised with a deep love of the arts. My first musical was when I was five. And I hate Swiss cheese. That stuff is disgusting. When I was in high school, I took a dare on whether or not I could eat a slice of Swiss cheese. I ended up vomiting all over the floor. I think that Mark and Lexie were soulmates and always will be, and I think that disco will make a comeback."

Rachel just blinked rhythmically. Blink. Blink. "That was the most random thing you have said to me in all of the time that I have known you, which isn't saying much because I kind of don't know you at all."

"They are just some things I thought you should know about me. If you ever bought me a sandwich with Swiss on it I would have to permanently disown you."

Rachel frowned, furrowing her brow.

"I was kidding Rachel! I would never disown you! I promise you; you are more important to me than Swiss cheese!" Shelby wanted to punch herself in the face! She should not have been making jokes like that!

"That's..." Rachel paused. She wasn't quite sure if 'good' would be enough to describe it. Her mother told her she was more important than Swiss cheese.

That was one Rachel had never heard before.

"...it's good." She finished, a conflict beginning to form in her mind. This was all so confusing...! But at the same time, it made her feel a bit better. Rachel paused. "I am vegan, but you already knew that. I loved Finn and he loved me, for a while. I honestly thought he was my soulmate, and then..."

"What did happen between you two?" Her mother asked. "I mean, you don't have to tell me, but..." They were stopped at a stoplight, so Shelby turned her head to look at her daughter. 

Rachel looked as though Shelby had personally punched her in the face. That was such a bad move. As her mother, Shelby was concerned. And she would go after Finn if he provoked her actions. Rachel swallowed hardly. "He left me to go back to Quinn."

Quinn... as in pink haired smoking Quinn? Was she missing something?

"He dumped her too." Rachel mumbled. "They lasted like a month."

"And now?"

"I am not really sure what he's up to. It's not really one of my main concerns at this point." That was a lie. It was such a lie. If anything, it was another thing that drove her to her inevitable downfall. She loved him. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And he left her. She was alone, and she always would be.

Shelby paused; she was not going to say something stupid. This time whatever she said would be meaningful. "He doesn't deserve you, Rach. That's the complete and honest truth. You have so much potential that you are going to leave Lima and never turn back. And that's okay. I will support you no matter what you do. But I know you are going to do great things with or without a guy by your side."

Shelby finished her speech as the two of them pulled into the apartment parking lot. She saw Quinn's car, which was fine, but there was another one as well that didn't usually reside there. Rachel noticed this, and the thought sent a chill running down her spine.

"Do you need help with your bags?" Shelby asked, yanking the door of the trunk open. Rachel shook her head, grabbing the luggage and throwing it down on the ground.

The two of them made their way to the elevator, going up to the second floor. Shelby used her house key, in case the baby was asleep, the doorbell would wake her. She nodded at Quinn, who was sitting cross legged on the couch, rocking Beth back and forth. It was when she noticed the man that had his back to her that she got a little scared.

Quinn didn't look threatened, so he wasn't a serial killer. If anything, she seemed awkward.

He turned around.

That is when the awkwardness made sense.

"Hi Shelby."

"Leroy."


End file.
